Wednesday, March 7, 2007

OFF TOPIC (but explains a lot)

have you ever traveled into your past a bit and found something that makes you go, "Ooohhh... that's DEFINITELY got something to do with why I'm such a weird sonofabitch!"

No? Just me? That's Ok. Just roll with me here...

So I found a bunch of comics from when I was a kid in an old trunk of mine in my garage. to put "when I was a kid" into perspective, I'm turning 30 on Saturday (March 10th).

I pulled out the box of comics and nostalgically started thumbing through them when I happened upon this:

Yep... that's right, a CHUCK NORRIS KARATE KOMMANDOS comic! Holy shit!! No wonder I can't spell... I've always thought commandos was spelled with a "K".

I mean, I've always blamed my 7 years of Catholic schooling and 2 years of altar boy service for how screwed up I am... but NO! It was Chuck Norris' fault all along!

I mean, look at this. This poor woman is being abused by a bunch of low-rent ninja types!

And what the hell is Chuck wearing in this thing?!?!

Granted, it's Chuck Norris, so naturally he's kickin' some serious ass... but in a red-ish/orange shirt and white vest thingy?? Oh no, no, no... The Chuck Norris I know and love only wears denim and/or flannel shirts!!

Regardless, if anyone ever sees you looking at some JESUS HATES ZOMBiES! material and says, "What kind of fucked up individual comes up with an idea like THAT?!?", you can say, "The kind that was subjected to CHUCK NORRIS KARATE KOMMANDOS comics as a kid...

Wow... this explains SO MUCH! (now I need to give Father O'Malley a call in prison and apologize... I guess it really wasn't his fault..)

~ Stephen


Lee said...

What's worse? The fact that the misspelling would morph into grrls and all the other typos that exist today....

Or the fact that one of the greatest artists of all time, Steve Ditko, was reduced to doing this drivel...


Or worse still, I have boxes of books just like this????

Stephen Lindsay said...


I hear ya, brother! I actually had 2 copies of this book! (not to mention, a few Silver Hawks, Visionaries, and Air Raiders... I guess my childhood comic buying habits were shaped by shitty toys!)

Steve Ditko.. that makes me so sad...

~ Stephen

Bart said...

What do you get when you add Chuck Norris, bad writing and cheesy artwork?

Something that's sweeter than you!

Although I am sure you would like to blame Chuck Norris (and his line of stellar comics) for how socially awkward you may feel as an adult (or semi-adult), you better be careful what you think...let alone write.

Don't you know he can hear your thoughts?

Oh crap...He, can hear me right now!

I gotta go!